Thursday, September 2, 2010

Let's Talk About Fatigue Baby!

I've decided to hit some of the connecting, larger issues as blanket posts... Hope you don't mind or think that you are being cheated in anyway, but some things deserve their own section and fatigue is definately one of them!

We've all been tired in our life; I think I can make that generalization very safely. But I don't think that all of us have experienced F-A-T-I-G-U-E! It is the invisible plague of MS... Truely. No one can see it and no one can understand it unless they've experienced it, it's truely one of the most debilitating effects that I've tried to tollerate and persavere through since my diagnosis and that's saying something!

Imagine your body hurting, it's so tired.... Your muscles ache ALL the time and feel as if they each weigh about 420 pounds a piece. The most seamingly simple of tasks begin to look like Mount Everest itself to you. And people always say to, very helpfully; "take a rest, have a nap." The issue is there is there really is no coming back from it. You could sleep for 32 hours straight and open your eyes only to realize you are just as tired and sore as you were when you went to bed. It's awful!

The worst part about it is there is also a lot of external perceptions that start to go on around you. There are those who can look from the outside in and think that it's "lazyness" and make stories up about it to that end. The truth of the matter is that you would do it, if you could do it... But even the coulds feel like weights around your ankles.This doesn't help with the isolation that MS can bring on either because you start to think of yourself as a BIG ass drag!

Fatigue is the kind of symptom that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... Well ok, truthfully, maybe my worst enemy could take on the fatigue for me, but to be honest it takes too much energy to actually wish it upon them! This silent, invisable side effect of this MonSter called MS is the one that makes it impossible to deal with the other parts of this disease. My leg drag wouldn't bother me as much if I had the energy to get up and get my day going. My numbness wouldn't feel as damning if I had the mental alertness to think about every step and all the fine motor skills that I want to execute in a day.

Fatigue is the ugly "F" word of MS. Fatigue is the thing that is almost impossible for everyone else to understand. Fatigue is actually a battle ground; on going and all consuming. Fatigue is the invassive, undetectable killer of this disease.

Again I refer to my "champion" spirit- oh wait... I can't find it right now, it got swallowed up by that F'ing traiter FATIGUE!!!!