I ended up finishing hair school with honors (Champion!). The next step was apprenticing under a senior hair stylist in one of the best salons in Calgary. It was tough going, long hours- I came to realize that as a stylist if you weren't there and available to take a client, you weren't making money... This was a big realization for me, I mean I rationalized going into this line of work based on the flexibility of the hours.
Once I completed all the training and apprenticing it was time to build my own clientele. This is a HUGE undertaking with a lot of stress attached to it. Every person I met was a possible client, I had to be ON all the time. It was exhausting! Things were happening though and although I was having MS attacks every 3 months or so, I was keeping it together and I was making it happen.
My Mom and my Step Dad moved away, which meant that I moved out with my younger sister. We needed a third room mate so I reached out to a friend that I went to hair school with. She moved in and instantly we became inseparable. One of the positive parts of this particular friend moving in was that it was time for me to start doing daily injections as part of my "disease modifying" excersise, Copaxone is the drug of choice through the Calgary clinic. I know they will probably take offence if they ever read this, but it's true and with good reason; the head of the clinic fronted the research team who invented the drug. Anyway the reason I was excited about Sandra being there is that unlike me, she was tough as nails. So when the VRN asked me if I had someone that could participate in the learning and administer the drug for me for the first few days until I became more comfortable, I was able to respond with a resounding "yes".
The VRN arrived, they come to your home which is awesome. We had the sponges and the oranges she had requested as well as the starter kit all ready. She walked us through the whole process and we administered fake shots to the oranges and the sponges like pros! Then it came time for it to be my turn. The nurse looked at Sandra and asked if she was ready to do the real thing... My stoic friend turned white and shock her head no. She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, I could do this to ANYONE else, but I don't think that I can do it to you."
I knew this was hard, this was hard for EVERYONE and I loved that my friend cared for me so deeply that she couldn't inflict me with this kind of a thing. I took a deep breath... There's no time like the present and my thought was "why put off to tomorrow what you can do today?" (Champion!) So the nurse talked me through the process of filling the syringe and mixing the drug and loading the needle into the autoject that they supply you with. She counted me down to the moment where I hit the trigger and had the first of many self-injected needles full of medicine.
It hurt. I had an immediate "site reaction"; that's what they call it. I call it a huge ass goose egg on my leg! I iced the site and was told "that would help." With that the nurse left and I sat with ice on my leg realizing that I was going to have to do this everyday FOREVER... That was a hard pill to swallow. My leg burned as it absorbed the rest of the foreign body. I begrudged this.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
My Story... So Far... Part 4
In the new year I officially started my "new" life at hair school. It was way more intense than most people give it credence to be. The physicality demanded on the job was one thing to get used to, the creative another, but it was the science that was the most intense for this girl. Anyone who thinks of hair stylists as being dumb, should take a day and walk in their shoes! I'm sure that being a chemist is a hard thing, but what about being a chemist that affects the thing that people hold dearest? Their appearance! It's not easy, sure we make it look easy, but it really isn't.
I was keeping up and doing pretty well. I hadn't even disclosed to anyone at the school that I had MS, which back then was a BIG win. Being the natural competitor that I was/am I decided to enter into the hair school fantasy competition for the opportunity to compete at the provincial level at the BIG show, the ABA. I worked my butt off to win the in-house competition. It took me probably about 40 hours, in the 48 hours we were given, to get it to the point that I was happy with it. It was all done on a mannequin head so I didn't have to worry about the fatigue level of a model, which meant that I could go on ignoring mine...
When we started to get ready for the provincial competition it got intense, fast. I was still working at the health club while I was going through school. I never slowed down at all through any of this to be honest. (CHAMPION!) I had to keep up and in fact I think I thought I had to "out-do" because of the fact that I had MS; not despite it or anything, but because of it.
The owner of the school was demanding, she liked to win more than I did it seemed. I was taken out of my "normal" classes to work on my vision without distraction. STRESS!!!! My hands started to go numb. I was dropping stuff, left right and center. It was embarrassing. More than that, I knew that seeing this competition through would probably mean I wouldn't get through the rest of my commitments. It became obvious that I had to talk to the owner of the school.
I made the appointment and sat down across the desk. I could feel myself shaking, I was actually going to tell her my secret... I felt my face go red as we started to speak and I told the woman across the table the bad news, that despite all of the time she had invested in me, believing in me, I wasn't going to be able to see the competition through. I saw the look of disappointment on her face as I took another big breath, my voice became shaky and tears came to my eyes as I met and locked in on hers. "You see, I have MS and I'm noticing that the stress of all of this is really effecting me." HEAVY PAUSE... I was full out crying at this point, as I continued to reiterate my apologies.
My mentor took a moment as she took in all of the information I'd placed on her and the look on her face softened as she said; "I always knew there was something special about you Shara and now I know what part of that is. Thank you for trusting me with this and please don't give the competition or disappointing me another thought."
WOW! That is not how I saw that going... I hugged my favorite teacher on the way out of the office and headed home. I was overcome with emotion having said "it" out loud and being met so graciously in response. It was a major moment in my disease and it really was a moment that made it okay for me to disclose going forward; I had nothing to apologize for; I was "special".
I was keeping up and doing pretty well. I hadn't even disclosed to anyone at the school that I had MS, which back then was a BIG win. Being the natural competitor that I was/am I decided to enter into the hair school fantasy competition for the opportunity to compete at the provincial level at the BIG show, the ABA. I worked my butt off to win the in-house competition. It took me probably about 40 hours, in the 48 hours we were given, to get it to the point that I was happy with it. It was all done on a mannequin head so I didn't have to worry about the fatigue level of a model, which meant that I could go on ignoring mine...
When we started to get ready for the provincial competition it got intense, fast. I was still working at the health club while I was going through school. I never slowed down at all through any of this to be honest. (CHAMPION!) I had to keep up and in fact I think I thought I had to "out-do" because of the fact that I had MS; not despite it or anything, but because of it.
The owner of the school was demanding, she liked to win more than I did it seemed. I was taken out of my "normal" classes to work on my vision without distraction. STRESS!!!! My hands started to go numb. I was dropping stuff, left right and center. It was embarrassing. More than that, I knew that seeing this competition through would probably mean I wouldn't get through the rest of my commitments. It became obvious that I had to talk to the owner of the school.
I made the appointment and sat down across the desk. I could feel myself shaking, I was actually going to tell her my secret... I felt my face go red as we started to speak and I told the woman across the table the bad news, that despite all of the time she had invested in me, believing in me, I wasn't going to be able to see the competition through. I saw the look of disappointment on her face as I took another big breath, my voice became shaky and tears came to my eyes as I met and locked in on hers. "You see, I have MS and I'm noticing that the stress of all of this is really effecting me." HEAVY PAUSE... I was full out crying at this point, as I continued to reiterate my apologies.
My mentor took a moment as she took in all of the information I'd placed on her and the look on her face softened as she said; "I always knew there was something special about you Shara and now I know what part of that is. Thank you for trusting me with this and please don't give the competition or disappointing me another thought."
WOW! That is not how I saw that going... I hugged my favorite teacher on the way out of the office and headed home. I was overcome with emotion having said "it" out loud and being met so graciously in response. It was a major moment in my disease and it really was a moment that made it okay for me to disclose going forward; I had nothing to apologize for; I was "special".
Monday, June 14, 2010
My Story... So Far... Part 3
The fact of the matter is that the story my first neuro told me, about some people with MS only having one MS attack and then going into a life long remission... Turns out, that wasn't me. I gave it a good go though; I tried with ALL of my might to MAKE it my story, but alas it didn't stick.
The truth is it wasn't even close to being my story, although the land of denial was enjoyable between exacerbation's. It was, when I would get hit again, a huge b*!ch. Not only was I dealing with the physical symptoms, which were still new to me, but I was also going through the mental process of being re-diagnosed ever three months or so, right along side.
I fired my first neurologist... I think I blamed him for putting it out there that I was going to be well, when that was clearly not the case. He also placed himself in my Mom's bad books by mentioning that I might not want to rush into an education stream until I knew what my disease progression looked like. So he was sadly out. I am happy to report that the clinic replaced him with an AMAZING neurologist who encouraged me to pursue whatever it was I wanted to pursue and was working on some really interesting research at the time that we enjoyed talking about as well. I should also mention the "talk" my Mom had with him on "our" first appointment right outside the office door, where she informed him not to discourage me from pursuing whatever it was I wanted to pursue, because it was her contention that I was putting off school because of what the last neurologist had said.
Symptom wise I was looking at a lot of different things; shaky hands, the famous MS hug (which for those of you who are not in the know, means a tightening around the the mid section that feels like you're wearing a constant girdle, only without the built-in support), coordination became harder and fatigue was kicking my BUTT! All the sudden I went from the ski bum, party girl, to the quieter; okay, not silent- OBVIOUSLY, for those who still know and love me, but there was certainly a HUGE shift.
"Friends" started to pull back a little, and by a little, I mean A LOT. My Saturday night party pack turned out to be more of a fair weather type of crowd, then the life long buds I thought they would always be. I mean we had done shots together and speaker danced all night long! The truth is, people were scared and they didn't know what to say; they were 21 like me for heaven's sake! I decided something radical had to take place... A paradigm shift to shake me out of the reality that was SOOOO letting me down.
Although I, myself was not a high maintenance kind of girl, I'd always been the one who cut all my dolls hair off as a little girl instead of playing with them and I was always responsible for getting all my teenage girlfriends ready for the junior high dances. I'd been going to the same hairstylist for a lot of my life and she knew my propensity for hair and had discussed it with me prior to my diagnosis as a possible career path. I decide this was what I needed to do. I needed to go to hair school. It was obvious to me; I could create my own schedule and re-educate down the road if I chose to. So that's what I set out to do. Create a new reality (another CHAMPION choice indeed)!
I discussed the idea briefly with those around me. Actually more to the point, I sold the idea to those around me. This would kick me into a whole new reality; new friends, new ideas, new passions and styles... Away from the snow and the ski's that were getting harder and harder for me to control. I had to think on the snow all of the sudden, that wasn't how it was meant to be!
The question was; would this disease let my newly created reality be?!
The truth is it wasn't even close to being my story, although the land of denial was enjoyable between exacerbation's. It was, when I would get hit again, a huge b*!ch. Not only was I dealing with the physical symptoms, which were still new to me, but I was also going through the mental process of being re-diagnosed ever three months or so, right along side.
I fired my first neurologist... I think I blamed him for putting it out there that I was going to be well, when that was clearly not the case. He also placed himself in my Mom's bad books by mentioning that I might not want to rush into an education stream until I knew what my disease progression looked like. So he was sadly out. I am happy to report that the clinic replaced him with an AMAZING neurologist who encouraged me to pursue whatever it was I wanted to pursue and was working on some really interesting research at the time that we enjoyed talking about as well. I should also mention the "talk" my Mom had with him on "our" first appointment right outside the office door, where she informed him not to discourage me from pursuing whatever it was I wanted to pursue, because it was her contention that I was putting off school because of what the last neurologist had said.
Symptom wise I was looking at a lot of different things; shaky hands, the famous MS hug (which for those of you who are not in the know, means a tightening around the the mid section that feels like you're wearing a constant girdle, only without the built-in support), coordination became harder and fatigue was kicking my BUTT! All the sudden I went from the ski bum, party girl, to the quieter; okay, not silent- OBVIOUSLY, for those who still know and love me, but there was certainly a HUGE shift.
"Friends" started to pull back a little, and by a little, I mean A LOT. My Saturday night party pack turned out to be more of a fair weather type of crowd, then the life long buds I thought they would always be. I mean we had done shots together and speaker danced all night long! The truth is, people were scared and they didn't know what to say; they were 21 like me for heaven's sake! I decided something radical had to take place... A paradigm shift to shake me out of the reality that was SOOOO letting me down.
Although I, myself was not a high maintenance kind of girl, I'd always been the one who cut all my dolls hair off as a little girl instead of playing with them and I was always responsible for getting all my teenage girlfriends ready for the junior high dances. I'd been going to the same hairstylist for a lot of my life and she knew my propensity for hair and had discussed it with me prior to my diagnosis as a possible career path. I decide this was what I needed to do. I needed to go to hair school. It was obvious to me; I could create my own schedule and re-educate down the road if I chose to. So that's what I set out to do. Create a new reality (another CHAMPION choice indeed)!
I discussed the idea briefly with those around me. Actually more to the point, I sold the idea to those around me. This would kick me into a whole new reality; new friends, new ideas, new passions and styles... Away from the snow and the ski's that were getting harder and harder for me to control. I had to think on the snow all of the sudden, that wasn't how it was meant to be!
The question was; would this disease let my newly created reality be?!
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